How much do you allow a job to change you?

This is the burning question I keep asking myself.

I was on this topic with a girl friend late last year, talking about how tough work is.  And there was a particular incident which angered me so much.  Because of some miscommunication, I appeared like I didn't do the piece of work given by my manager.  Perhaps it was that rush of anger (I literally felt blood rush to my flustered face and turning all red) that it caused me to speak out loud and stand up for myself.  Even I shocked myself because that was my boss I was speaking to.  But I could not take that I was misunderstood.  I did the piece of work he gave me.  "I did what I was told.  You didn't specify clear enough!" I told him angrily. And of course he retorted back saying "a deadline is a deadline!" and I was way, way beyond mad.  I stayed late, gritted my teeth and finished that report he wanted.  In fact it got quite dramatised that I refused to speak to him for more than one day.  I just couldn't pretend to be fine when I was not.  This is not the usual me at work, trust me.  Because we've been brought up almost thinking "the boss is always right".  When my girl friend heard my story, she said her hubby would always say "character building".  And she said "whoa I can't believe you did that.  I would probably just quit."  And there came my question "where is the line to draw when we talk about "character building"?"

To continue on that episode, I knew I had to be professional and not hate my boss forever.  Upon advice given by my manager, he suggested I had to talk to my boss to hash it out and clear whatever unhappiness.  It felt weird to be honest; I felt like I was breaking up with my boss so to speak.  I went into a meeting room with him and - thank God, honestly - I spoke firmly and without wavering.  I explained why I reacted the way I did, because I felt wronged.  He didn't exactly say sorry, but he too, explained that he probably could have given me clearer instructions.  Short of shaking hands to make up, things went back to normal.

This was probably the most "memorable" incident last year.  What I'm saying is, throughout last year, I learnt gradually to speak up for myself.  I was fed up of being the quiet Asian girl who just works with her head bowed low.  (I have to regretfully say that us Asians are always known for this… we are perceived to be hardworking and quiet.)  I constantly prayed for wisdom and favour, and it was very tough I won't lie - pushing myself out of my comfort zone bit by bit.  We work for a tough boss with very high expectations.  And perhaps it's because of the environment that that inner resolve rose up gradually.  My manager actually told me I needed to speak up at meetings more.  Which I slowly did.  I had to make my presence felt - if I wanted that promotion.  I knew I had to change.  And one of the traits is to blow your own trumpet.  And boy do I hate blowing my own trumpet in front of MDs.  It's just not us, isn't it...

When I went back to Singapore in October and met up with my mentor, I told her my situation at work and I asked for her advice should I not get the promotion which I think I deserved (talk about blowing my own trumpet lol).  She looked at me, paused and said "I'm really happy for you Belinda.  You have changed a lot, you know?  Since I knew you back in the day.  Based on what you told me, you seem to have learnt how to really speak up and stand up for yourself now.  It's a necessary skill to have in today's world.  Don't worry if you don't get your promotion because you will surely get it in time to come.  What's the problem if it's delayed for a year or two, if you look at your whole career span of so many years?"  I was glad she said that of me, but the impatient me did think "man I am not sure I can tahan another one or two years in this tough environment..."

Fast forward that and finally the day of truth came 2 weeks ago and yes I got my promotion..!  Praise be to God.  This promotion sure came after lots of sweat, anger and tears.  Made me think back of the moments which I felt like giving up and convincing myself that it's just but a title.

So, now that I've got it.  How do I feel?  No difference.  The nature of my work hasn't changed.  But I sure am getting more work.  I feel jaded all over again.  And I keep asking myself this same question.

I asked a close friend in the Singapore office this same question.  I asked if he thinks he has become more impatient now.  "of course lah" he said.  He figures most of us are probably rude, impatient and mean people, or at least will become rude, impatient and mean in no time.

When do you stop and draw a line before we go over to the dark side?  How do you guard your heart and character?