I've recently made a huge life decision. And that is to say goodbye to my job and also to the firm which I have made my home for the past 10 years and 4 months. Yes the very first company I've worked for since I graduated and oh how far I've come, and how much I've grown.
I still remember how I got my first role in the bank. Imagine me: fresh grad not knowing what to do in life. All I knew was I could earn decent money working in banking and all I remember was trusting God and praying for my career and future. One evening after dinner I still remember strolling at good old Junction 8. I bumped into a uni tutorial mate D and I almost didn't want to say hi because I didn't know her well. Fate would have it that we should say hi and when she told me where she was working, I was full of envy if I be very honest. There I was trying to figure out my career path, there she was telling me she is working for a top investment bank. But because I still think that night was orchestrated by God, she gave me the number for a job agent telling me to call her asap because "she has loads of connections to different investment banks!" It was kinda surreal. Long story short, I did contact that lady who was running her own job agency and true enough, she arranged for a series of interviews and I got the job of a product controller in the same bank as D, without any clue what I was stepping into, other than "supporting the Asian trading desk". That in itself was a pretty cool testimony.
After 3 years of being a product controller, I found myself given an opportunity to work in London, same role but supporting the EMEA (Europe, Middle East and Africa) trading desk. Wide eyed, I came to London with Cynthia and found that what I thought were huge numbers back in Asia were pretty small here in London. The trading floor was dynamic, loud, and never a quiet moment. I had a great team where the team spirit was really solid - we all helped one another and especially when it came to technical questions from my traders (basis risk? discounting risk? Total return swap?), I would always be able to get help from my manager or team mates. I have so many stories I can recall - one unforgettable day where my trader did a total return swap in millions of dollars of notional. Just a small FX different resulted in hundred of thousands of difference. For the whole day, Kat and I tried to figure out what his correct day 1 P&L should be. Our manager was travelling to Cornwall and we tried our best not to call him… until probably 5pm where we were at our wits end. When the day was over, I think we both hugged each other with tears of relief and looked around the empty floor. That was an unforgettable day which we both still recall and laugh over it.
6 years in product control and I thought it was time to do something else more high level. The next role in the bank was in the business management team supporting a line of business which I shan't mention. I did that briefly for a year where I could say I suffered at the hands of my manager and that was seriously a very tough period of my life. Never before did I wake up in the middle of the night, heart thumping, because I thought I might have forgotten to do something she asked me to do. I often questioned why did I ever take this job. But God knew better. I felt like Joseph in the bible when He literally plucked me out from that "prison" and gave me a new job after one year. When they tried to convince me to take the role, I was skeptical because "how can it sound so good right?" But it really was that good. God is that good. I started to enjoy my new job with my new team. Some twists and turns happened but I managed to do the same work for 3 years now which I still enjoy to this day. Of course there are other things that come with this high profile job - stress, intensity, heart palpitations, always go go go! Everything should be done yesterday. I started to think that I've become more impatient, more intolerant and sometimes wondered if I have gone to the dark side. I wondered if I should stop before they eat into me. Perhaps now is the time then.
My emotions have been high since I handed in my resignation. It's a weird feeling. It's the realisation of how much I have tied my identity to the bank even though I've had my fair share of ups and downs. Suddenly all the downs pale in comparison and I find it sad to say goodbye to the network of colleagues and friends which I've got to know here. People always tell me I need to make the best decision for myself. Which I did. For two weeks, I discussed, debated, thought aloud, thought silently with K and also a few trusted friends. See I had two job offers and I was praying for God to show me which job to take. Don't get me wrong, it was certainly a good problem to have, but because it is such a massive decision, I thought so hard about it that I thought my brains were to explode. It was pretty awesome to receive a few signs and confirmation from God, so much so that K kept telling me "stop asking for more signs! Pretty clear decision to make here my dear!"
It was funny. I had never resigned before in my life. I had to ask people "how do I resign? Do I really need a letter? What happens next?" I even had to google for a resignation letter template. Right after I spoke to my manager and handed in my letter (yes a physical letter is needed), my mind was reeling. I kept asking myself "geez what have I done?? Was that a mistake??". It probably took me a week to let reality sink in. And at the same time I struggled to work. A part of my heart was glad I won't be going the same mundane stuff anymore, come a month's time.
Week two and I started telling close colleagues about me leaving. Obviously people were shocked and expressed their sadness, but at the same time congratulating me on the new job. For the next two weeks, more and more people knew about it and every day my heart was a mixed bag of emotions. I was excited at the prospect for a change, and yet really sad to say goodbye to my friends and this whole bunch of extremely capable people. More people came up to wish me well, or emailed me their best wishes making me go all sentimental again.
So this is the last week at work. Next week this time I will be "in transition" (sounds better than jobless!). I managed to secure a few weeks' break before I start my new job and I do think this break is a long time coming. I haven't had a break in 10 years and I am looking forward to waking up and having no intense work day ahead. Monday will be my last day in the bank. I am trying to contain all my emotions and try not to show it too much. I hope.
As many tell me, it is not a permanent goodbye. Who knows, I will come back again in a few years' time? What is important is to leave on a good note and not burn any bridges. Never say never.
It has certainly been a 10 years worth of roller coaster ride, nothing that I have taken for granted. As I journey on to my next adventure into the unknown, I can only rely on His grace and grace alone.
I still remember how I got my first role in the bank. Imagine me: fresh grad not knowing what to do in life. All I knew was I could earn decent money working in banking and all I remember was trusting God and praying for my career and future. One evening after dinner I still remember strolling at good old Junction 8. I bumped into a uni tutorial mate D and I almost didn't want to say hi because I didn't know her well. Fate would have it that we should say hi and when she told me where she was working, I was full of envy if I be very honest. There I was trying to figure out my career path, there she was telling me she is working for a top investment bank. But because I still think that night was orchestrated by God, she gave me the number for a job agent telling me to call her asap because "she has loads of connections to different investment banks!" It was kinda surreal. Long story short, I did contact that lady who was running her own job agency and true enough, she arranged for a series of interviews and I got the job of a product controller in the same bank as D, without any clue what I was stepping into, other than "supporting the Asian trading desk". That in itself was a pretty cool testimony.
After 3 years of being a product controller, I found myself given an opportunity to work in London, same role but supporting the EMEA (Europe, Middle East and Africa) trading desk. Wide eyed, I came to London with Cynthia and found that what I thought were huge numbers back in Asia were pretty small here in London. The trading floor was dynamic, loud, and never a quiet moment. I had a great team where the team spirit was really solid - we all helped one another and especially when it came to technical questions from my traders (basis risk? discounting risk? Total return swap?), I would always be able to get help from my manager or team mates. I have so many stories I can recall - one unforgettable day where my trader did a total return swap in millions of dollars of notional. Just a small FX different resulted in hundred of thousands of difference. For the whole day, Kat and I tried to figure out what his correct day 1 P&L should be. Our manager was travelling to Cornwall and we tried our best not to call him… until probably 5pm where we were at our wits end. When the day was over, I think we both hugged each other with tears of relief and looked around the empty floor. That was an unforgettable day which we both still recall and laugh over it.
6 years in product control and I thought it was time to do something else more high level. The next role in the bank was in the business management team supporting a line of business which I shan't mention. I did that briefly for a year where I could say I suffered at the hands of my manager and that was seriously a very tough period of my life. Never before did I wake up in the middle of the night, heart thumping, because I thought I might have forgotten to do something she asked me to do. I often questioned why did I ever take this job. But God knew better. I felt like Joseph in the bible when He literally plucked me out from that "prison" and gave me a new job after one year. When they tried to convince me to take the role, I was skeptical because "how can it sound so good right?" But it really was that good. God is that good. I started to enjoy my new job with my new team. Some twists and turns happened but I managed to do the same work for 3 years now which I still enjoy to this day. Of course there are other things that come with this high profile job - stress, intensity, heart palpitations, always go go go! Everything should be done yesterday. I started to think that I've become more impatient, more intolerant and sometimes wondered if I have gone to the dark side. I wondered if I should stop before they eat into me. Perhaps now is the time then.
My emotions have been high since I handed in my resignation. It's a weird feeling. It's the realisation of how much I have tied my identity to the bank even though I've had my fair share of ups and downs. Suddenly all the downs pale in comparison and I find it sad to say goodbye to the network of colleagues and friends which I've got to know here. People always tell me I need to make the best decision for myself. Which I did. For two weeks, I discussed, debated, thought aloud, thought silently with K and also a few trusted friends. See I had two job offers and I was praying for God to show me which job to take. Don't get me wrong, it was certainly a good problem to have, but because it is such a massive decision, I thought so hard about it that I thought my brains were to explode. It was pretty awesome to receive a few signs and confirmation from God, so much so that K kept telling me "stop asking for more signs! Pretty clear decision to make here my dear!"
It was funny. I had never resigned before in my life. I had to ask people "how do I resign? Do I really need a letter? What happens next?" I even had to google for a resignation letter template. Right after I spoke to my manager and handed in my letter (yes a physical letter is needed), my mind was reeling. I kept asking myself "geez what have I done?? Was that a mistake??". It probably took me a week to let reality sink in. And at the same time I struggled to work. A part of my heart was glad I won't be going the same mundane stuff anymore, come a month's time.
Week two and I started telling close colleagues about me leaving. Obviously people were shocked and expressed their sadness, but at the same time congratulating me on the new job. For the next two weeks, more and more people knew about it and every day my heart was a mixed bag of emotions. I was excited at the prospect for a change, and yet really sad to say goodbye to my friends and this whole bunch of extremely capable people. More people came up to wish me well, or emailed me their best wishes making me go all sentimental again.
So this is the last week at work. Next week this time I will be "in transition" (sounds better than jobless!). I managed to secure a few weeks' break before I start my new job and I do think this break is a long time coming. I haven't had a break in 10 years and I am looking forward to waking up and having no intense work day ahead. Monday will be my last day in the bank. I am trying to contain all my emotions and try not to show it too much. I hope.
As many tell me, it is not a permanent goodbye. Who knows, I will come back again in a few years' time? What is important is to leave on a good note and not burn any bridges. Never say never.
It has certainly been a 10 years worth of roller coaster ride, nothing that I have taken for granted. As I journey on to my next adventure into the unknown, I can only rely on His grace and grace alone.
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