Life has been pretty mundane these past few weeks in general. I guess it's the colder season and it takes more energy to drag ourselves out of bed and come weekends we prefer to stay home and just chill. It has been so for the past 2 weekends which was low key and nice. But that also means I have more time to pause and think and reflect about life. And the golden question is, did I make a wrong choice to leave my previous workplace?
I am still adjusting to my new workplace - new company, new colleagues, new systems, even the new work location in the city. As much as I was sad to move to Canary Wharf years ago, now that commute is longer I do think working in the city is overrated for me. I do prefer working in CW just because the travel is less stressful. I arranged to meet up with my ex manager Ed and another team mate Rich for drinks last Wednesday and I realised how much I missed them short of sounding emotional and sentimental. They greeted me with big hugs and asked about how I am doing, and updated me on how the team is now. They have just found my replacement and assured me I am very much missed. Truth is, I have been struggling to adjust to my new place. I know my family reading this would probably say along the lines like "We advised you not to leave… xxx was a good bank…" I guess older folks value stability and familiarity over anything else. This brings me to the topic of working in banks or investment banks in particular and the irony of putting the words "stability" and "IB" in the same sentence.
If you ask me, there is no such thing as a good IB to be in these days. Gone are the good days of banking, it's true. All IBs are announcing cuts, and even those that do not announce, are doing it silently (I call it the assassination style). Under the constant pressure of regulators, more and more compliance people are being hired to make sure the shop is being run properly; more and more project people are brought in to do "change management projects" to satisfy regulators. With costs going up, and still having the constant pressure to deliver to shareholders, of course management will look for ways to cut costs and one of the most effective ways is to let go of people. We have met quite a few people who have been made redundant and I realise there has been a big shift in mindset, at least for me. Where previously, being made redundant is like a taboo topic which people are embarrassed to admit, these days it is so common that it is no longer that big a taboo topic. Especially seeing good and experienced people being let go... when someone is being let go these days, it doesn't necessarily mean he/ she was under performing in his/ her job. Some redundancies are made under senseless logic. I guess it comes down to pay. There is more cost savings associated with letting go of someone senior, and then replacing them with fresh grads. We see it happen all the time. It's all about how long you can stay afloat before someone comes and tell you "sorry but your job has been made redundant…" Of course, for good employees, HR will work with your manager to try and get you another role within the bank if possible. And from the day of you being notified, you have about 3 months to look for a job. In the previous team that I am in, I guess I was lucky in terms of job stability. However the reason why it was stable is because they worked each team so thinly that no manager could afford anyone leaving the team. If there should be any movement, the rest of the team had to carry the extra load because to get a headcount replacement is extremely difficult. And most IBs these days do not take external hires; they prefer internal transfers.
Yes so when I left, I did throw my team into disarray because it literally took them 4 months to get my replacement who was funnily, hired from our New York office. Even when I was there and the team was operating at full capacity, the amount of workload was tremendous and I constantly had heart palpitations (no joke) and constantly felt I couldn't work fast enough, answer emails fast enough, or respond to queries enough. I thought that all these constant buzz and heart palpitations were normal. It was all part of the job and I did love the nature of my job as it was close to the financial markets and more often than not I felt like I was part of the deal teams working on various acquisition financings or corporate lending. To me it was the price to pay for such an interesting job. I only wished my workload would be lesser but of course that was just a dream because workload only gets more, not less in an IB. Towards the end of my 3rd year in that role, it became very much a love and hate thing. I loved it when I could tell K over dinner that the M&A deal which was announced today? I was working on the financing with the deal team! And beamed with pride. When one of the major UK supermarkets had a big fiasco and needed money, they approached us and another bank in confidence to borrow money to tide over. It was a very hush-hush thing, and my manager and I were privileged to be in the know and worked with the bankers on modelling the loan (many zeros behind I assure you). And yet hated it because of the reasons I mentioned above (heart palpitations and all). One of our contractors with whom I've become close friends with, commented that that team is probably one of the craziest busiest team she has ever been. "Non stop!" she would say. And it didn't help that last year I had a tyrant for a boss who ran the team like a strict schoolmaster. It was ridiculous because that was the last thing we needed. Everyone hated him but funnily no one left the team. Everyone suffered quietly under him. She looked at us and concluded "it's the Stockholm syndrome"- it is really true and yet funny. At that time I asked her what the Stockholm syndrome is and she said "it's when you start sympathising with your kidnapper.." lol google it!
I started to think I needed a change. But how many of us really know what we want to do? I know what I don't want to do but not the other way round. I considered really carefully before accepting this new job and prayed so much about it, constantly asking God for signs. I have literally spent my youth in the previous bank. A decade is a really long period of time. I spoke to a few trusted people, one of whom was an ex manager who is very supportive. He told me "I have been here 25 years, and all my life I always valued loyalty to the company. However since 5 years ago, my mindset started to change. The longer you stay here, the more the company takes advantage of you and gives you minimum pay rise each year. Which is why many people leave, and then come back a few years later. At that time with that higher base salary, it is sad but true - the bank willingly pays you the higher salary when you return. That's the trend right now." Wow that was a revelation coming some someone senior in the bank and he actually encouraged me to take the plunge. He said "of course you need to factor in the nature of the role, and how much are they offering you. 10 years is a long time and I think it is time for you to see how another bank operates and learn from another perspective. I do hope you will consider coming back in a few year's time." That was really encouraging hearing from someone I respect. I was also concerned that the longer I stayed here, the longer I was trapped in this xxx bubble and be further set in their ways.
It's now almost 4 months here and it is just so different. It is almost the complete opposite. There is no buzz. I feel like I work in a library. People seem more silo and there isn't as much team spirit. Not saying it's a bad place, but in this period of adjustment I am not very partial and level headed. My new manager is nice but the nature of the job is so different that I do wonder how long could I do this role. My head still tells me it's ok, because too much heart palpitations is not good for the body. I think my body is so used to being so tensed up that suddenly it doesn't know how to relax a bit. Sometimes I need to remind myself that slower pace is ok, this is how normal is. But of course, now the price to pay is that I am one step removed from the markets and I struggle to feel excited about the job.
Is the grass greener on the other side? I am still not sure. At the moment I am in a bigger pasture but the grass seems stale…
Selah.
I was worshipping Jesus alone in my bedroom today and was reminded of this song which we sang years ago in church back home, what I classify as a Hillsong "oldie". It's one of my all time favourites.
I am encouraged that we serve a faithful God no matter what happens. Hallelujah.
I am still adjusting to my new workplace - new company, new colleagues, new systems, even the new work location in the city. As much as I was sad to move to Canary Wharf years ago, now that commute is longer I do think working in the city is overrated for me. I do prefer working in CW just because the travel is less stressful. I arranged to meet up with my ex manager Ed and another team mate Rich for drinks last Wednesday and I realised how much I missed them short of sounding emotional and sentimental. They greeted me with big hugs and asked about how I am doing, and updated me on how the team is now. They have just found my replacement and assured me I am very much missed. Truth is, I have been struggling to adjust to my new place. I know my family reading this would probably say along the lines like "We advised you not to leave… xxx was a good bank…" I guess older folks value stability and familiarity over anything else. This brings me to the topic of working in banks or investment banks in particular and the irony of putting the words "stability" and "IB" in the same sentence.
If you ask me, there is no such thing as a good IB to be in these days. Gone are the good days of banking, it's true. All IBs are announcing cuts, and even those that do not announce, are doing it silently (I call it the assassination style). Under the constant pressure of regulators, more and more compliance people are being hired to make sure the shop is being run properly; more and more project people are brought in to do "change management projects" to satisfy regulators. With costs going up, and still having the constant pressure to deliver to shareholders, of course management will look for ways to cut costs and one of the most effective ways is to let go of people. We have met quite a few people who have been made redundant and I realise there has been a big shift in mindset, at least for me. Where previously, being made redundant is like a taboo topic which people are embarrassed to admit, these days it is so common that it is no longer that big a taboo topic. Especially seeing good and experienced people being let go... when someone is being let go these days, it doesn't necessarily mean he/ she was under performing in his/ her job. Some redundancies are made under senseless logic. I guess it comes down to pay. There is more cost savings associated with letting go of someone senior, and then replacing them with fresh grads. We see it happen all the time. It's all about how long you can stay afloat before someone comes and tell you "sorry but your job has been made redundant…" Of course, for good employees, HR will work with your manager to try and get you another role within the bank if possible. And from the day of you being notified, you have about 3 months to look for a job. In the previous team that I am in, I guess I was lucky in terms of job stability. However the reason why it was stable is because they worked each team so thinly that no manager could afford anyone leaving the team. If there should be any movement, the rest of the team had to carry the extra load because to get a headcount replacement is extremely difficult. And most IBs these days do not take external hires; they prefer internal transfers.
Yes so when I left, I did throw my team into disarray because it literally took them 4 months to get my replacement who was funnily, hired from our New York office. Even when I was there and the team was operating at full capacity, the amount of workload was tremendous and I constantly had heart palpitations (no joke) and constantly felt I couldn't work fast enough, answer emails fast enough, or respond to queries enough. I thought that all these constant buzz and heart palpitations were normal. It was all part of the job and I did love the nature of my job as it was close to the financial markets and more often than not I felt like I was part of the deal teams working on various acquisition financings or corporate lending. To me it was the price to pay for such an interesting job. I only wished my workload would be lesser but of course that was just a dream because workload only gets more, not less in an IB. Towards the end of my 3rd year in that role, it became very much a love and hate thing. I loved it when I could tell K over dinner that the M&A deal which was announced today? I was working on the financing with the deal team! And beamed with pride. When one of the major UK supermarkets had a big fiasco and needed money, they approached us and another bank in confidence to borrow money to tide over. It was a very hush-hush thing, and my manager and I were privileged to be in the know and worked with the bankers on modelling the loan (many zeros behind I assure you). And yet hated it because of the reasons I mentioned above (heart palpitations and all). One of our contractors with whom I've become close friends with, commented that that team is probably one of the craziest busiest team she has ever been. "Non stop!" she would say. And it didn't help that last year I had a tyrant for a boss who ran the team like a strict schoolmaster. It was ridiculous because that was the last thing we needed. Everyone hated him but funnily no one left the team. Everyone suffered quietly under him. She looked at us and concluded "it's the Stockholm syndrome"- it is really true and yet funny. At that time I asked her what the Stockholm syndrome is and she said "it's when you start sympathising with your kidnapper.." lol google it!
I started to think I needed a change. But how many of us really know what we want to do? I know what I don't want to do but not the other way round. I considered really carefully before accepting this new job and prayed so much about it, constantly asking God for signs. I have literally spent my youth in the previous bank. A decade is a really long period of time. I spoke to a few trusted people, one of whom was an ex manager who is very supportive. He told me "I have been here 25 years, and all my life I always valued loyalty to the company. However since 5 years ago, my mindset started to change. The longer you stay here, the more the company takes advantage of you and gives you minimum pay rise each year. Which is why many people leave, and then come back a few years later. At that time with that higher base salary, it is sad but true - the bank willingly pays you the higher salary when you return. That's the trend right now." Wow that was a revelation coming some someone senior in the bank and he actually encouraged me to take the plunge. He said "of course you need to factor in the nature of the role, and how much are they offering you. 10 years is a long time and I think it is time for you to see how another bank operates and learn from another perspective. I do hope you will consider coming back in a few year's time." That was really encouraging hearing from someone I respect. I was also concerned that the longer I stayed here, the longer I was trapped in this xxx bubble and be further set in their ways.
It's now almost 4 months here and it is just so different. It is almost the complete opposite. There is no buzz. I feel like I work in a library. People seem more silo and there isn't as much team spirit. Not saying it's a bad place, but in this period of adjustment I am not very partial and level headed. My new manager is nice but the nature of the job is so different that I do wonder how long could I do this role. My head still tells me it's ok, because too much heart palpitations is not good for the body. I think my body is so used to being so tensed up that suddenly it doesn't know how to relax a bit. Sometimes I need to remind myself that slower pace is ok, this is how normal is. But of course, now the price to pay is that I am one step removed from the markets and I struggle to feel excited about the job.
Is the grass greener on the other side? I am still not sure. At the moment I am in a bigger pasture but the grass seems stale…
Selah.
I was worshipping Jesus alone in my bedroom today and was reminded of this song which we sang years ago in church back home, what I classify as a Hillsong "oldie". It's one of my all time favourites.
I am encouraged that we serve a faithful God no matter what happens. Hallelujah.
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all
Hallelujah, hallelujah
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Be brave in whatever you decide to do.