I had an idea to blog about Isabelle's sleep behaviour the other day. Before having Isabelle, I had not the slightest idea how big the sleep topic is for a baby, and now a toddler. I merely assumed that babies will sleep, no matter what, right? Because they are tired right? No, of course not. Isabelle showed me how much she could and can fight sleep even when she is tired. As a new mum, I did not know how to read her sleepy signs, and more often than not, she would be overtired by the time I catch her signs and by then she is cranky and crying. Oh the tears. From Isabelle and mummy.
The early months
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| Trust me, this was quite rare |
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| This was more the case |
Then came the famous 4 month regression. For parents with babies who just slept through like an angel, saying "what regression?", well, what can I say? More power to you. The regression hit her right bang on her 4 month milestone, waking up every 2h in the night, almost killing me. I think I sunk into depression due to the lack of sleep and even though I was in Singapore at that time with help, it was still a very difficult time as I handled all night shifts by myself. I desperately tried to look for help online and found this online baby sleep and feed programme which I paid SGD60 for, just so I can have some resource on hand. From then, I tried really hard to follow her age appropriate feed and sleep schedule every single day. I was militant about her sleep schedule because if Isabelle doesn't sleep well, mummy doesn't sleep well. And I was in a dark place psychologically. If anyone were to tell me to let her sleep less, or sleep later, I would be trying very hard to suppress a punch in their face because they do no know what kind of sleep I was having every night. I am very sure that if you experienced my kind of sleep, or lack thereof, you would also enforce a militant sleep schedule just like what I did.
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| She would only sleep cradled in our arms |
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| In a restaurant |
Our 7 month turnaround
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| This swaddle seemed to work best for Isabelle |
Back in Singapore I remember meeting up with friends with kids similar to Isabelle's and Deborah mentioned the concept of a "sleep fairy" to me. This is a sleep consultant whom you engage to help train your baby to fall asleep, and sleep well too. I remembered saying "omg we totally need one for Isabelle!" I survived her 4 month sleep regression, and another 2 more months before we then flew back to the UK. Isabelle was almost 7 months when we finally engaged Nicola here in the UK as our sleep consultant. I still desperately needed Isabelle to cultivate better sleeping habits. By then we transitioned her to her own bedroom and we felt that she slept better alone, and us too! We didn't need to whisper in our own bedroom in fear of waking her up and lest we had to rock her back to sleep. Oh god, no.
Sleep consultants really is the career path to go in my view. I filled in a detailed survey form about Isabelle's sleeping and feeding habits, and what I hoped to achieve by engaging the sleep consultant. We then had a one hour FaceTime session with Nicola and I told her that I had two aims: (1) to stop rocking Isabelle to sleep cos it was causing bad backs for both K and me, and (2) for Isabelle to sleep through the night. Nicola went away and came back that afternoon with a suggested feed and sleep schedule for a 7m old baby, and also gave a lot of tips of how to let Isabelle settle on her own without us being there. Typically it would take about 2 weeks for it to work and most importantly, we had to persevere and not go soft hearted on her. I think by that time, the sleep deprived me was full of drive and determination to let this work. We had a 5 week consultation period with Nicola, so I could contact her via calls/ texts/ emails to ask questions as we went along.
True enough, it worked! Within less than 2 weeks, we were seeing the results we were hoping desperately for! Isabelle could settle herself and get to sleep without us rocking and cradling her. She also slept through - 730pm till 730am. No waking up. Seriously, a big loud hallelujah! And from then on, our night sleep journey was a different story. We followed the same bedtime routine: bath or wipe down, put her in her sleeping bag, play the same playlist and we could put her down in her cot bed, say "night night" and leave the room. She might fuss a bit but eventually she would fall asleep. What a turnaround! My quality of sleep improved tremendously from then on. Since then, I've also introduced a few moms to Nicola. Don't get me wrong, we still have some difficult nights, especially when she's teething or feeling unwell, but generally we really can't complain.
Sleep at 21 months
So we have just spent more than 2 months in Singapore and Isabelle had been sharing the same bedroom as me during that time. This was my worry - the transition back to our home in London. Can I get her to self settle and sleep on her own in her own bedroom? It has been difficult. I think there is a need to retrain her sleeping habits. She would not sleep by herself and needs me to sit or lie next to her, and cuddle her to sleep. Now that she can express herself much better, she will tell me "mummy, stay here." or "mummy, lie down." And so I do. I creep out of her bedroom once she falls asleep around 8pm and we proceed to have our dinner. Midway in the stealth of the night, she will wake and to climb out of her cot-bed and waddle over in her sleeping bag to our room and climb into our bed to sleep with us. It is very endearing and whilst it is very cute and loveable (who doesn't love cuddles), our double bed is a bit small for 3 of us. It doesn't help that she moves and kicks so much in her sleep. K didn't have the heart to move her the other night and told me "it's only a phase, the next time you want to sleep with her, she might not want to anymore." Ahh and so it kinda struck a cord and made me soften too. In any case, she is making small progress. She used to move over around midnight but last night she slept till around 3am before coming over. Baby steps I guess.
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