Q&A with Mama Bel

Today I thought I'd do something a bit more interesting.  Answering some interview questions and letting you in onto my motherhood journey!

Glasses on... here goes!

How has it been on this motherhood journey so far?

A roller coaster ride is how I describe it.  A very intense and extreme one to be precise.  Some days are so good, you feel like the luckiest mum in the world.  On days where you are down in the pits (the days where you are already exhausted by 1030am in the morning), you yearn for the days where you were young and free; days where you could sleep and relax whenever you can.  Humanly speaking, I experience more of the latter unfortunately!

I always try to remind myself that they are what we prayed for.  God chose us to be their parents and we should be their good earthly stewards.  Whenever I think about how they are our answered prayers, it does change my mentality.  That said, I’m human after all, so yes there will be days where I am yelling my head off.

How does it feel being a second time mum?  Are there any differences in how you feel?

A stark contrast for sure!  Many told me that they are more chilled and relaxed for the second one and I couldn’t agree more. Less photos of the second child too (Sorry Gabriel!).  We captured Isabelle with every single milestone, big or small. With Gabriel, we cheer him on but capture way, way less on our phones.  Definitely a second child syndrome with Gabriel.

I’ve learnt to enjoy being a mum to Gabriel more than with Isabelle.  It’s probably due to how different they are in their personalities; with Gabriel I am more relaxed and I cuddle him more, take in all the baby smell I can get whilst he still has it.  I take his cues - when he’s tired I put him down.  When he cries I try to use mum instincts to differentiate between hunger and teething pain.  You do get a bit more experience and worry less.  Babies are pretty resilient!  Pretty sure God made them that way.  With Isabelle, I was always more concerned to “get it right” (eg. Sticking to the right nap and sleep times). Definitely more tears with Isabelle.  I guess it’s pretty normal for a first time mom.

How different are Isabelle and Gabriel?

I did a test in the Baby Whisperer book and the results couldn’t be more different.  Isabelle is a feisty and spirited baby whereas Gabriel is an angel/ textbook baby. 

With Izzy it was impossible to get her to nap.  When she was a baby, once we put her down in her cot, she would open her eyes.  I was mostly in tears.  At 7 months old, to preserve whatever sanity we had left, we engaged a sleep consultant.  At 1.5y we engaged the same sleep consultant because we faced a different set of issues.  Till today we are still trying to figure out her sleep, God help us.  Even medicine that can cause drowsiness doesn't work on her.  If we wake her up from her nap, the moment she opens her eyes, she is ready to go go go.  I always think her life mantra is “Isabelle -  Fighting sleep since 2017”.  

With Gabriel, we started him on a prone sleeping position from week 3 and it has worked like a charm for us.  When he is tired, he cries and fusses.  We flip him over and after a while he falls asleep by himself.  Now he is much more mobile so it is a bit more difficult.  He does cry and fuss but after a while he will fall asleep by himself.  If we wake him up from his nap, he is grumpy and has what we call "a process of waking up".  Personality wise he is calm and smiley.  

How similar are Isabelle and Gabriel?

They both LOVE food.  Both are big eaters, no doubt about it.  I thought Izzy was a milk guzzler.  Gabriel is a milk machine. He chomps off whatever we give him now that he has started on solids.  He cannot stand it when he sees one of us eating and he's not included.  He will speed crawl over and open his mouth.  And cries when we stop feeding him.  Between K and me, we joke that he is a food hoover.  In the cutest sense of course.  Izzy can survive on biscuits alone.  She has the ability to snack non-stop.  Every time we get into the car, she will always say "Mummy, I want to eat something".  Drives me mad sometimes.  All these mean we need to have an endless supply of kids snacks at home!

Do you have a network of fellow mum friends with whom you can tap into?

I’ve got close girl friends with whom we chat regularly.  It’s really nice to be in the same chapter of our lives together.  A network of mums exchanging ideas, sharing challenges and encouraging each other is gold.  Oh and vent too.  We all need that. 

Everyone is on their own journey to be the best parents they can be for their kids, us including.  I’ve also since seen the deviation in parenting styles, methods, values, etc.  I make mental notes of things I can learn from other friends which I think are useful and applicable to my kids.  Vice versa, for methods and styles which I do not agree with, I remind myself that I need to respect that and not allow that to come between the friendship.

“The struggle is real” - What struggles do you face on a daily basis?

Oh this is on so many levels.  I find myself being tested on patience, and multi-tasking/ prioritisation/ fire-fighting skills all rolled into one on a daily basis.  What do you do when you need to cook and both kids are screaming, seeking your attention?  What do you do first?  Who do you attend to first?  

With Isabelle, as mentioned it has always been SLEEP for the longest time.  I’ve always placed importance on sleep because that’s when their brains and body develop.  That’s how they grow.  And so I always tried to “get it right” with her sleep routine and schedule, and will get very cross if someone should tell me how I should not try to get her to sleep more (why??) because boy, they don’t know how much sleep debt she has accumulated since 2017.  
With her having moved to her “terrible twos’ stage, it has been very difficult to get her to eat certain types of foods, get her to brush her teeth, get her to simply “come over” so mummy can wear her nappy or put some cream on her.  A lot of nagging is involved.

Specifics aside, I do struggle with juggling all these together: taking care of them (basic survival), stimulating and engaging them, cooking, laundry, general household chores.  I can be very hard on myself to get everything done and do it well.

Any mum tips to share?

It’s tough because babies don’t come with a manual.  Sure, there are copious amounts of books written about babies and parenting but then every child is also different, so I’ve learnt that you do need to rely on mama’s instincts and God’s guidance all the time.

Find some me-time in the midst of the chaos.  Somehow.  They say happy mum, happy baby.  For me I need to learn (still learning actually) that sometimes a dirty or a messy house is ok.  (As long as we don’t have guests!).  Sometimes a piled up laundry basket doesn’t hurt.  I always try to do everything and end up really exhausted and then lose my patience faster with my kids.

If you have any, please do share with me.

Now that Isabelle is almost 3, is it easier to take care of her now?

Yes.  She's dropped her afternoon nap now, and so there is no nagging needed in the afternoons to get her to nap.  Come bedtime she would fall asleep relatively easily.  Going out, we don't need to pack a big bag like before; just snacks, water and her nappies and wipes.  No more lugging with us milk powder and hot/ cool water bottles.  The biggest thing is that we can now communicate with her which helps greatly.

How different are your parenting styles from K?

Very different, I hope we can be seen as complimentary to each other.  I am very task-oriented and more organised than K, so I will make sure the chores are done, no matter how tired I am that day.  I am stricter and will raise my voice at the kids, if they prevent me from doing my household chores, such as cooking our meals.  K is the loving and ever patient dad who never raises his voice at the kids.  He uses the reasoning method so he will reason and reason with Isabelle, in hope of drumming it into her to get her to stop insisting on her way.  In a nutshell, I think I prioritise household chores above the kids whereas he does it the other way round.

Thats it, I hope you enjoyed this little Q&A.  If you have other questions, feel free to leave a comment!