I've been very bogged down by work, even though it is still nowhere compared to the horrible work situation I faced when I first moved back to Singapore. Nonetheless facing a toxic work environment and difficult manager has weighed me down a lot. The work itself is not easy, but having to deal with politics is not my forte I'm afraid. I try to be a good team player in every situation but of late I realise I can't be pleasing everyone even when I strongly feel that I had acted in the best interest of the team.
Been praying and seeking God to come through my situation, even asking Him if I should be looking for a new job.. last Tuesday morning I was chatting with a colleague who attends my home church (I now refer the church I grew up with as my home church, vs my current church), about an upcoming midweek Worship Night taking place the very next night. I said I felt like going, and am looking for someone to go with. She joked and said "ask God for a sign, and then decide."
True enough, that very night I received a sign from God. I tossed and turned on the bed, unable to sleep well. I kept waking up, thinking about work and my manager. When I finally fell back to sleep I dreamt of an old Christian poem which I came across years ago when I was in college. Back in the good ol' days where it was still a thing to pass on little Christian cards to encourage one another (if you know what I'm talking about). There was one which was titled God Hath Not Promised Skies Always Blue. When I woke up, the dream was clear as day in my head. On my way in to work I googled it and true enough the whole poem came up. When I read it in the train, I felt God's encouragement to me and I started to tear, not believing that He actually sent me an encouragement in my dream.
This is the poem by Annie Johnson Flint. I just googled it again, and realised there is a longer version whereas the one I came across only has the first two verses.
I love, love this poem. God indeed didn't promise us a problem-free life, however Jesus came to die to redeem us, He came so that we can have life and life more abundantly.
This was my clear sign that I needed to attend the worship night that very evening. I knew in my heart, even if nobody wants to come with, I will be there. I so desperately wanted to be in His presence.
The event was at 8pm and thinking since I was one person, arriving at 730pm should suffice. I could not be more wrong. When I arrived, the crowd was immense, and they stopped us going up to the escalator right on the ground floor. It didn't feel right. We inched slowly, bit by bit. I was soon feeling claustrophobic. It's been ages since I've seen such a huge crowd going for a church service. I overheard some tourists staring at the crowd, asking "Which celebrity is here tonight?"
I queued up for 30min and still, no end in sight. I was so close to the escalator leading up to the auditorium. Finally the ushers announced - the auditorium is full. There are no more seats. My heart fell, and being human, I asked God "I came here God, I took your sign. I'm here. But they say the auditorium is full. You know how much I want to be here tonight, God." Soon people started leaving in disappointment. I decided to hang around for a bit more, unsure of what to do. After a few minutes an usher announced "We have an overflow area for 50 pax, you will be watching from a screen. If you want, follow me." I did not waste a single second and rushed toward her, shouting "Me, me!"
Soon I found myself following her, with a group of people to the said overflow area on level 8. The worship had already started by now. I chose a random spot and sat down. A worship leader was sharing. I looked around. They had placed these chairs in this area with a small-ish screen. I experienced conflicting emotions - on one hand I was glad I somehow made through and got to be in this area; however I was still disappointed because I longed to be in the auditorium. I was spiritually desperate to be in His presence. Nonetheless I told myself 'just enjoy since I made it in. God is also here in this overflow area.'
Before I knew it, this male usher came toward me and the lady next to me (she took the corner seat, and I was next to her) and whispered "I have two seats in the stalls - would you like to follow me?" I looked at him and her. I thought they were friends and he came to bring her in. No, he clarified, "I'm an usher and am offering you two seats in the auditorium if you would like?" We both nodded, part shock, part wondering "is this for real?" When we went into the auditorium, he just kept going straight ahead toward the stage. "Whaa..." I looked at the lady and she was wide eyed. He gave us two seats in the fifth row from the stage! Pretty much front seat rows! I was in disbelief and when I realised what just happened, I did some ugly crying right there in the auditorium. I felt God's presence and could imagine Him giving me a kind look, asking "why did you not trust me? I gave you a sign and I will give you a seat." It was an immense feeling I couldn't stop tearing. In the crowd He saw me. He saw my desperate plea to be at Worship Night. He knew I needed it.
That night was one of the best worship nights and I will remember it for as long as I live. I sang my heart out, I worshipped Him. I thanked Him. I was grateful. He came through for me. In that short 30min turn of events, He showed me that even though I had to go through some ups and downs He would bring me to the promised land. He also changed my perspective - if I didn't find myself in this rut, I wouldn't have the need to want Him so badly in my life. I wouldn't be clinging onto Him so desperately. He also made me put things in perspective. For others who are believing for healing miracles, my problem is just but my job. I can always change jobs but health is much more important. I still have my health and for this I give thanks. Even though nothing has changed drastically in my work situation, I believe that He has gone before me and I will get through this. If God is for me, who can be against me?
All glory to Jesus.
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